I want THIS printed on a t-shirt

It’s like a sexy cross between a trashy harlequin romance novel and a good 90’s soap storyline… #HOT

No Chocolate for Lent

Let’s face it. It’s not like I’m THAT religious. Sure, I grew up Roman Catholic and studied it until the end of high school. But still, around this time every year still find a way to “restrict” myself for Lent.

Lent? To be honest, I don’t really remember what it is. It has something to do with Jesus not eating or drinking water in the desert for 40 days. I think he did it to prove that it’s possible to go lower than low carb. He must’ve been planning an even sunnier holiday. I kid, I kid.

While I respect the culture, I will say that Lent is a period where I diet in the name of “Jesus”. It’s an excuse to hold him as my Jenny Craig counselor for 5 weeks, ensuring that I don’t eat a certain something or other. I would give up alcohol, if I did enjoy it as much as others. But truthfully, I can’t stop eating chocolate. It’s day 6 and I’m staying the course.

So yet again this year, I’m giving up the cocoa and praying that I’m not some reoccurring uber cunt. Can you pray the bitchiness away?

My boyfriend Kodie and I leave for Mexico in early April, so hopefully I have the strength to make it through. Hopefully he has the patience to put up with me and my “badittude”. At least the board shorts should fit better, and the pictures more memorable from the waist up. Thank you Jesus (Hey-Zeus if your Spanish).

So Far This Week (Fashion)

Arriving at work this week, I’ve been told in the last 4 days that I look like:

Tuesday- A Fisherman

REAL FISHIN'

Thursday-A Hot Lesbian

What will tomorrow bring?

 

Who Ever Said AZN Females Can’t Drive….

This girl not only defies all laws of physics, she can also mad-ass parallel park!

Rafael Nadal does Armani (Vid)

Wow. Who knew that cotton could look so good! The 24 year old Spanish tennis icon certainly fills things out nicely.

Lucky Celebrity Dogs

 

I always thought that if you were one of Oprah’s pooches, you wouldn’t have a care in the world. As if scratching a lotto ticket that paid you a ridiculous amount, you’d be set for life.

Today we have found out that Sadie (Oprah’s newest Cocker spaniel) can move right over for “BEAST”. Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg just bought this lil’ white guy and let’s face it, he’s going to live THE life. Let’s just consider what this puppy’s future is going to look like: Champagne in the dog-dish. “People food” for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. Heck, he’ll probably be allowed to eat a special puppy chocolate, only available to celebrity animals. The lap of luxury, on the lap of a guy who always seems to be wearing bad jeans. Regardless, I’m jealous.

Also last night, Star Jones on Celebrity Apprentice debuted “Pinky”, a little white Maltese puppy. Cute dog. Annoying owner.

 But I worry she may join the crazy ranks of Elizabeth Taylor. You know what I’m talking about- the coo-coo ladies who need to bring their dogs everywhere as their spousal equivalent (most likely because men don’t want to be with them…more so Star over Liz….Liz has just run out of men.)

Lucky for me, I’m not a celebrity, but I do have the best dog on the planet- TACOS!

I’ve Been Know To Dance By Myself, but…

I don’t think I’ve ever done this before. Kudos to her for dancing like “nobody’s watching”. However, in today’s camera phone gerneration, good luck with that out in public. Plus, I’m not trying to be a jerk, but c’mon…. GF does like a bit cray-cray, right??

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: The Premiere of “Jersey Floor”

OMG- I died laughing. I don’t watch Jimmy on a regular basis but caught this last night. I have since set my PVR to tape, so I can watch his show the following day! His bits are tight- including a lil help from some SNL friends, orange spray tan, bejeweled t-shirts and hair gel.

The Premiere of “Jersey Floor” – Show Clips – Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.

If You Missed It GAGA & MARIA Perform BORN THIS WAY

Last night in Toronto it finally happened.

Apple and YouTube continue to take over the world. Let’s face it, they are the best at what they do (connecting people through different forms of technology.) This time the connection was beyond human, it reached the “dream realm”. Maria Aragon was able to not only meet Lady Gaga, but also perform LIVE on stage with Gaga singing her new hit “Born This Way”.

While her white hat may have been channeling Mayim Bialik (TV’s Blossom Russo), GF pulled out all that spirit and that sparkle. She held her own with one of the world’s most beloved pop stars. Check out BORN THIS WAY, live, in Toronto…

Girl Can’t Close Her Eye After The Dentist

Is this vid for real?

White Irish Drinkers

Insiders say this is going to be one of those MUST SEE underdog flicks. It opens in New York, LA, Boston and Toronto March 25th.

WOW! Best Album sales go to ADELE

British soul singer Adele tops the Billboard album chart this week.  This is her second album, aptly named “21” (that’s how old she was when she wrote it), sold 352,000 copies in its first week of release! That’s HUGE. Influenced by another breakup, she sings with passion and sadness, regret and temptation. Every girl can relate, every gay will cry.

Just like her first album, “19”, the title is the age she was when she wrote the songs. That was the soundtrack to my 2008 Vancouver Fall with my ex-roommate and bestie Marcus. We’d sing “Chasing Pavement” like nobody’s business.

For us here in Vancouver, and if you were lucky enough to buy tickets before they sold out in 3 mins, she’ll be performing at The Commodore Ballroom May 31st.

Picture of Bobbi Christina snorting coke?

How sad

I’ve always hated the expression “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…”

Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown’s 17 year old daughter BOBBI CHRISTINA was pictured with a rolly snorting coke. The photo above appears in this week’s National Enquirer. It’s not her fault that her parents are assholes, but she is on a bad path.

Personally I’ve never touched the stuff. As I’ve repeatedly told my BF and anyone else who will listen, keep it away from me. I already have an addictive personality. I will fall in love with cocaine. It’ll make me skinny and feel amazing. I will want more, and I’ll always keep praying for the same “first” high. Then I’ll lose my job, my friends, family, the love of my life. My dog will be taken away from me and I will crash. Followed by a stint in rehab and a recovery that will hopefully work (even those my expressions and spirit will be permanently blemished.)

Bobbi Christina. We’re praying for you. SMARTEN UP!

Jonny Talks Sports in Today’s 24

Christina Aguilera ALSO on NBC’s The Voice

NO MORE BOOZE, I SWEAR

What will it take to kill American Idol? Simon Cowell’s new show The X-Factor? Possibly. But NBC is banking on some big time names to launch a new rival singing competiton called “The Voice”. And the hard hitters keep on coming.

On the heels of Cee Lo Green and Adam Levine’s announcements to be coaches/mentors, now CHRISTINA has joined their ranks! The Voice debuts on April 26th, with host Carson Daly.

Time to clean up your act GF.

Kim Kardashian’s Big Ass Sings

Her new song is called “Jam” and was produced by Christina Milian’s ex The Dream. Over and over she begs “Turn me up, turn me up turn me turn me turn me up…”

I say turn it down. Listen for yourself. Personally, I think Kim is super hawt, that sexy fat ass is only matched by that of Nicki Minaj.

Missed the 20/20 Charlie Sheen Interview?

It’s official, Charlie Sheen’s twin boys were taken away last night. This, after all these crazy radio interviews and on camera appearances on 20/20, Good Morning Ameria and The Today Show. Personally without medical help, I think he’s in big trouble. And what’s with these 2 women (my “goddesses”) living at his house, the one he calls “Sober Valley Ranch”? He’s a talented mo-fo, and what scares me even more is the fact that I kind of understand what he’s saying when he’s going off on his rants/tirades. It’s like Gary Busey 2.0. Perhaps, indeed, I am the ghost whisperer.

ANYHOW- if you missed the 20/20 interview lasrt night, catch it in full HERE

WORST SUPERHERO POWER

STAY AWAY FROM THE CALAMARI

Aquaman gets a lot of flack for having zero influence on land and solely being ‘mighty’ while swimming in the sea. Personally, I think communicating with ocean creatures and dolphins is actually a pretty cool super power. Who DOESN’T want to know what all those ‘clicking’ noises are? Plus catching a ride on an octopus who can feed you grapes with one arm and also fold laundry with another is pretty dope.

So everyone can get off the Aquaman hate train and hop on board Netossa.

Who the eff is Netossa you ask?

Netossa was a part of the 1980’s She-Ra Princess of Power toy line and also made an appearance on the cartoon series. In her single episode, she was able to save the day by her name sake. Yep, you guessed it TOSSING NETS.

I can appreciate the art of acrobatics, and those that can climb ‘silks’ and perform aerials 30 feet in the air, but for life of me I don’t understand who thought this would make an ideal super heroine. Girlfriend throws fishnets on big silver soldiers. The only thing going for her is that she’s a hot black chick (and you KNOW I love me a hot chocolate girlfriend) with purple hair and a decent costume. Come to think of it, Netossa is more like….

36 hours in NEW YORK CITY

 

It’s still hard to remember everything that happened this past weekend, as a 36 hour weekend trip to NYC is a short period of time for most of us. Alas, I was happy that my work chose myself, my co-worker Mike and my boyfriend Kodie to travel to the BIG APPLE to cover the Broadway musical WICKED. Indeed, that it was!!

Let’s start by saying, Canadians should never book early flights out to the US. Travel time to the airport, the 2 hour wait, the flight itself. Friday was like a 6am-9pm experience (with layovers and time changes). Regardless, we made it to Newark, and once we landed, scored a town car driven by an Egyptian man named Ralph.

Friday was pretty tame, after the long day of travel, and with some RAY’s PIZZA (Times Square MUST) we went to bed relatively early.

Saturday was super dope. We left Times Square, bought Metro cards, (subway passes) and took the train to my favorite area, Christopher Street. It’s the old gay village, but super trendy and neighbourhoody. We hit up vintage clothing stores, fresh coffee houses, hung out at Washington Square, drank beers at a pub off of NYU’s campus and shopped around SoHo.

WASHINGTON SQUARE

Afterwards, we walked up to Canal St, where ganstas sell knock off LV and Prada. If you’re really lucky, and feel daring enough, you can always ask for “THE REAL STUFF” and get brought up to some back room via an alley, via the back kitchen of a restaurant, via some shady doorstep and get a glimpse at stolen merchandise that you better buy- or else. Then Macy’s on 5thAve (best deals on great clothes for men in NYC) and OMG WE ONLY HAVE AN HOUR UNTIL THE SHOW!

We got home in time to get ready and whooshed off to the Gershwin Theater to see WICKED. The theater itself is an indulgent feast of history, with nostalgia and memorabilia on the walls. The musical is divine, excellent scores and acting that will leave you wondering if you’re more a “Good Witch” or a “Bad Witch”. Whichever (pardon the pun) it is, if you’re a fan of The Wizard of Oz or any of L. Frank Baum’s books, you’ll love it. I mean, who HASN’T heard about this theatrical masterpiece? Indeed, you are aware of it, but really you HAVE to go see it!

After the show, it was time to freshen up, get some drinks and go. That’s when the party got a bit crazy. None of us were stupid, but we drank way too much Red Bull. And WAAAAAY too much vodka mixed with the Red Bull. By 2am we found ourselves in the hip neighbourhood of Chelsea at a gay bar called “THE EAGLE”. Both Mike and Kodie took a while to get warmed up/comfortable. I was too wasted to care and loved every minute of it. A leather/daddy/cub bar with porn on the bar TV’s and outdoor smoking pits. 4 levels, including the second one packed with pool tables and wall to wall sweaty bodies. Believe me, I’m pretty vanilla, but every once in a while you need to step of that comfort zone and say “Whatever, let’s rock this muthafucka”

3am we hail a cab and grab our stuff from the hotel, hitch another cabbie to Newark and prepare for our flight home. What’s the saying? No Sleep ’til Brooklyn? Try no sleep at all. Not even Gravol could tame our shaking, Red Bull enhanced nervous systems.

Regardless we made it home just in time for the Oscars. 36 hours in New York City, never enough time but always a good one 🙂

Happy Bday Bieber

Dear Justin Bieber,

You’re 17 today and that’s fantastic. You have dominated the world with your talent, good looks and loving heart. You have made young girls cry/scream/shake/fight with their parents/steal/lie and cheat. You are quite the influential young man, and as a Canadian man I am proud of you. Keep up the good work.

Just remember, a lil’ advice here for you BEEB…When I was 17 I got wasted at a college party on vodka cranberry beverages. It got to the point where I was so tipsy that I poured more vodka in the glass than juice and ended up ralphing all over the dorm washroom. Later that night, I puked ON myself and the afghan I brought that my Great-Grandmother had crocheted for me when I was a little boy. Even after several washes, I couldn’t get the smell out.

Please be responsible, unlike that Father of yours…

Love,

Jonny